Most Influential Person My Life Essay

This is my first rough draft of this essay. please critique it and thank you for your help!

The most influential person in my life is my mother. She taught me how to keep loving through the good and the bad. My mothers love is unconditional, it is a trait i wish to equip throughout my life. I was about 13 when I found out that my mother loved me unconditionally. The moment I lost my mothers necklace (that my grandmother gave to her) I thought she was going to kill me. I had never seen my mother so mad at me. I began to cry as she was yelling at me;I ran into my room, closed the door, and wept all night. The next day my mom walked into my room and told me she was sorry with the most regretful look on her face. I knew my mother was truly sorry. As we hugged in closure, she started to cry on my shoulder. I told my mom I will do anything to find it, but my mothers response was "That necklace will never amount to how much I love you". I will forever be amazed about my mothers love and care for me.

She is also incredible at getting things done. It does not matter of the situation, my mother always comes through with whatever was needed. She puts others needs before hers and I love that about her. Whenever someone asks for something, she is always the first one to deliver. When I play softball we usually have 2 games a day, during these games somebody always runs out of water. My mother being the caring person she is, offers to go buy them water from a store near by. During are breaks between games she rushes to go get water. When she returns she comes back with water, snacks, and ice for the ice chests. My mother always comes with more than needed just to keep her friends and loved ones happy. I will never understand how big her heart is, but I hope my heart takes after hers. My mother is my best friend. Like all best friends she gives me the best advice. She has always tells me to stop getting mad over the little things, to be more giving, and to strive for greatness. If there is anyone who knows my flaws better than me, it is my mother. She knows exactly how to make my mood change from mad to happy. She is a girls best friend and a perfect mother. Day by day I take into consideration the things my mother has taught me. She is my most influential person, not only because she is a loving mother, but because she is an impeccable woman whose wisdom and selflessness carry throughout her family.

The most influential person in my life is my mother. She taught me how to continue loving through the good and the bad. My mother' s love is unconditional, it is a characteristicIhope to equip [I don't like the word equip here, I don't think it makes sense. Perhaps, try a characteristic that you hope to abide by, or follow, etc] throughout my life. This sentence is repetitive. If the age 13 is important try incorporating it into the sentence before. The moment I lost the (adjective) necklace that had been in my family for generations I thought she was going to kill me Don't know if I like this wording, maybe something like I stopped dead in my tracks, deathly afraid of her rash reaction . I had never seen my mother so mad, I began to cry as she continued to yellat me is implied . I ran into my room, closed the door, and wept all night. Why? Did you feel like you disappointed her? The sentence as it stands isn't very strong because it doesn't provide any reasoning behind it. Yes, you lost her necklace. Yes, she was mad. But had you not experienced this type of reaction before? Provide something so that readers can relate. Without any context, it almost sounds like you're overemotional and that's not what you want The next day my mom walked into my room and told me she was sorry with a look of regret etched upon her face. In that moment I knew my mother was truly sorry and despite any remaining anger/disappointment, her love for me would be eternal . As we hugged in closure, she started to cry on my shoulder. I told my mom I will do anything to find it, but my mothers response was "That necklace will never amount to how much I love you". I will forever be amazed about my mothers love and care for me. I recommend trying to tell the story as it happened. It seems like for the most part what you are doing is telling the story, pause, reflection. Repeat. It might be more effective to tell it as it happened, reflections imbedded throughout. You have an emotional experience for both you and your mother that illustrates how it made your bond stronger. But you don't reveal much emotion throughout, but you should!

You need a linking sentence to combine the two ideas between unconditional love and her efficiency/dependability
She is also incredible at getting things done. It does not matter of the situation, my mother always comes through with whatever was needed. She puts others' needs before herselfWe already know that you love her, so try ending her with an example . Whenever someone asks for something, she is always the first one to deliver. examples?Try rephrasing it like this: Playing multiple softball games on the weekends, it is inevitable that my teammates will run out of water My mother being the compassionate person she is, offers to buy them water from a store nearby . During our breaks between games she rushes to retrieve water. though there is no personal benefit? maybe? When she returns she comes back with water, snacks, and ice for the ice chests. Not necessary My mother always arrives prepared with more than needed in order to keep her friends and loved ones happy. I will never be able to understand how her heart is so enormous/welcoming , but I hope my heart takes after hers I think there might be a better way to phrase this to make it less repetitive but would retain the same idea . This new idea seemed to pop out of nowhere, find a link or try a new paragraph My mother is my best friend. Like all best friends she gives me the best advice. She has always tells me to stop fretting/getting hung up over the little things, to give more , and to strive for greatness. You want to keep the verbs all in the same tense. Stop, give, strive. If there is anyone who knows my flaws better than me, it is my mother. Are you sure you mean flaws? Saying flaws makes it seem really negative. She knows exactly how to brighten/improve my mood She is a girl' s best friend and a perfect mother. Day by day I take into consideration the things my mother has taught me. She is the most influential person to me . Beyond her compassion for myself and others she is an impeccable Not feeling that choice of words woman whose wisdom and selflessness is evident in her daily activities/is an admirable characteristic

You have awesome ideas throughout, with a little editing on passive/active voice and remaining WITHIN the story instead of just an observer, it can be great! It is YOUR story, remember that. Though it is about your mother, you want to make sure that beyond just her actions, you discuss your emotional attachment and what not

Le Moyne College, Gannon University, and Daemen College “Person of Influence” Essay

 

Prompt: Indicate a specific person who has had a significant influence on you, describe that influence.

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           There are many people in my life who have had an influence on me. I must say that my mother Danette White has had the most significant influence on me because she is always pushing me to do better and has also taught me to be independent and strong. I admire my mom for her strength and independence and for pushing me to be different.

            I have always thought of my mom as strong and independent. My mom is the mother of four children, all of which she raised on her own. I know that raising children alone is not easy at all, which is one reason why I always thought of my mom as strong. My mom managed to work, raise her children and keep us happy and healthy. My mom has told me before that raising her children was hard and she did struggle at times. I commend my mother for staying strong and making her children her first priority. As I was growing up I learned to be independent from my mother. She has always taught me that if I wanted something or needed something done that I had to do it for myself. I learned to depend on no one but myself from my mother. I really look up to my mother for everything she has done to provide for her family, even during hard times.

            My mother is the one person in my life that is constantly encouraging me in anything I do.  Whenever I want to give up my mom is always there let me know that if I try my hardest at whatever I do I can succeeded at it. My mom has always done whatever she could to ensure that I had better opportunities in life including moving into a better neighborhood so that I could have a better education. I am very thankful for the move she decide to make because I know that I have greater opportunities at the school I attend now. While I was growing up my older siblings made a lot of mistakes that I know disappointed my mom. I have learned to listen to what my mother has to say because I know it is important to her that I learn from their mistakes as well as hers and do not make the same ones. Now that I am in high school my mom is always encouraging me to focus on what I want to be in life. My mom has always informed me that there will be downfall in life but I should never let them bring me down.

            My mother is the most influential person in my life. I have learned so much from her, just from seeing her care for my siblings and myself. My mother has taught me that strength and independence are important in life and that I can never stop at what I want to do. I am very thankful for the support I receive from my mother.  


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